Tonight was a step forward for me in my walk with God. I have won this battle with fear for the first time and I have to tell people. I'm so excited!
For the last week, one of my friends has been dealing with family issues. More specifically, his mom had gone to the hospital to get a major tumor removed from her chest cavity. He had been handling the situation well for the most part and has needed time with friends.
Tonight, we hung out with another mutual friend who drove us around. We went and got dinner at Five Guys and went to a park to light off my last firework from New Years. The plan was to go back to my friends house while our mutual friend went to go pick up his dad from work. When we arrived, his mom had to go somewhere and we couldn't hang out there. So he said he would have to come back to my house, drop me off, and pick up his stuff. He helped his mom to the car (it was obvious that she was in extreme pain) and we hopped in and left. I couldn't just sit there and watch. It's not in my nature. On the other hand, time and time again, fear had its hooks in me, keeping me from ever stepping out and actually praying for anyone. The usual thoughts flowed through my mind. "What if I say they're going to be healed and nothing happens?" "What if they laugh at me and say no?" "What if I say they'll be heeled, nothing happens, and it causes them to run from God instead of causing them t run to Him?" All these things were flowing through my head but I caught my thoughts and said, "No. After EVERYTHING I've learned this last year, I know better than that." (see 2011 in a Nutshell) I resolved in myself I was NOT going to chicken out this time. His mom liked me and all the rest was nullified by the fact that I'm not the one working here, Holy Spirit is. Paul said, "It's not I who lives, but Christ in me." (Galatians 2:20)If everyone realized this, a majority of the worlds problems would be solved instantly.
Anyways! The whole way home I was praying in tongues, trying to keep my thoughts away from doubt. When fear didn't work, the enemy decided to try and get me prepared. The thought of, "Well, what are you gonna say? What if you miss a detail and it screws it all up?" (One thing I've learned over the years is all the "What if's" in life, come from the enemy. Satan's minions love to try and get you to second guess yourself) I once again found my thoughts trying to think of all these phrases I've heard prayed over people in my life and I had to catch my self again. "NO! I am not going to do this out of my own head! I reuse to go off my own understanding! (Proverbs 3:4-6)" So I prayed in tongues more and felt the fear reside.
The time came when we pulled into my driveway and it was now or never. I started by saying, "I know you guys don't go to church but do you mind if I pray for you?" In my surprise, his mom replied, "Yes, please do." I was relieved when I heard this and it gave me a new found sense of confidence that this is why I came to his house. I layed my hands on her and just prayed what came to mind. I thanked God that he loved her more than anything and that Jesus died so that she didn't have to deal with this infirmity. I called health and life to her body and told it to close up and become whole. I thanked God for his healing power and thanked him for healing her. After I was done I didn't notice anything right away. She didn't say anything but "Thank you." So I told her "Your going to get better." and left with my friend to get his stuff. On the way in, he told me "Thank you, man, that meant a lot." I told him, "Any time." I told him on the way out to keep me posted on how his mom's doing. He said "Sure." and he left.
Although this isn't a grand Faith-filled story of some miraculous event, the fact that I didn't chicken out and actually walked in faith to pray for someone I didn't really know is a victory in its self. I thank God for teaching me all that He did last year so that He could use me in a time like this. A year ago if you asked me to pray for someone, I'd be sacred out of my mind, but tonight I'm pumped! I can't wait for the next challenge to come my way.
"God I thank You for living and working through me to reach people around me. I thank You for Your loving power that you have granted to us and the authority to use it. You are amazing, God, and I want to always be Yours to use. Amen."
