So the last couple days have been kind of rough. Working with friends is great as long as they don't decide to take offense to your professional side. In all my experience, I've never come across someone who would do everything in their power to stop being you friend. Especially with me! I'm a nice guy! I'm the kind of guy who won't get mad at you when you screw up or stop talking to you because you insulted me. Heck, you could rob me and I would still talk to you (even after I get my stuff back, because trust me, I will get my stuff back). I don't hold anything against people. The way I see it is, we are all learning. Some are in a more advanced class than others but we are all making progress. You don't call a 3rd Grader stupid just because he doesn't know what (a+156x)45/32y equals or what the capital of Russia is.
My friend I work with has decided she doesn't want to like me anymore. Y? I have plenty of theories about it but that's for later. So she keeps trying to tick me off. The more she tries, the better she's getting, unfortunately, and I'm not easily angered, so that's saying something.
The other day, I brought in my HD camera into work to film some stock footage of different model yogurts to create an advertizement video to play on the TVs at work once we lose cable at the end of the month. The sun was going down fast and I was going to need her amazing artistic skills to make one look good while I scouted for a good place to film and set up the camera. I asked her if she could get a nice swirl on a yogurt and put toppings on it so I could film it. She replied with "The yogurt looks like crap. We need to get the red caps back first." (our manager had taken the red caps that go on the bottom of the spouts that give the yogurt that star shape design when it comes out, because she said it would be cleaner. Unfortunately now when the yogurt comes out, it's in a smooth, round column that, with the darker colored flavors, look like a big dog dooky in a cup.) I told her that wasn't an option because our boss said they weren't coming back and she wasn't going to discus it any more. Plus, we would make it look good with the toppings on it. She could have said ok and tried her best to make a nice roundish pile of yogurt after that, or she even could have asked me to show her how to make one if she REALLY couldn't figure it out (it's not like she's dumb, she is a very intelligent person), but instead of trying (because GOD FORBID we be cooperative!), she flat out said "I can't do a nice swirl, not without the caps." At this point, we have probably wasted a good 20 minutes arguing about somone making a freakin' yogurt swirl in a cup, and the sun isn't waiting for us. (The reason the sun was so important is because I had found a setting on my camera that makes the footage 1000x better quality but the trade off is it needs studio style lighting to work and I don't have studio lighting at the store so the only thing we hade that would give us that kind of wattage was that giant star that creates what we call day.) I should have just said "screw it, I'll do it myself", but no, I decided to try and convince her. I guess I kind of wanted her to be a part of this awesome project that we could both look at and say we were proud of. But she wasn't having any part of it. I told her that with or without the caps, making a swirl worked the same way, but she still refused. She could have asked me to show her or at least when she went to "try" and make a swirl, at least put some effort into it. She comes back with a hideous pile of mixed yogurt that it was obvious had no attempt of making any type of circle while dispensing and plops it down on the counter and says "See? I can't do it." Congratulations, you just hit my last nerve.
When you don't want to do something, don't try and serve me a plate of bull and tell me "I can't". Be an adult and tell me the truth, you just don't feel like it. I don't give a crap how confident you are in your ability, if you really don't think you can then ask to be shown how. It's called being cooperative and working as a team, which is what your supposed to be doing on the job anyways!
Kid's, here's a life lesson for you. If you want to go far in whatever job you're in and want to be respected and treated like an adult, DO NOT EVER say "I can't". Find a way to get the job done. If you make "Find a way to get the job done" your motto, you will never be useless and will always be seen as reliable. Management likes employees who do what they are told and don't give excuses about anything. If your given a task, complete it. I don't give a shit what it is, get the freakin' thing done!
Now, granted, she and I are on the same level. We are both assistant managers and only answer to one person, but you wonder why I don't complain about you telling me what to do all the time when "you-know-who" calls it "barking orders" and gets butt hurt over not hearing a "please" at the beginning of every request. It's because I KNOW HOW TO SHARE THE LOAD!!! I NEVER tell you "no" if you need me to do something because I'm here to help keep this machine running smoothly (NOTE: the word "need" there. I will GLADLY tell you "no" if you're just trying to get out of a responsibility. There is no escaping that with me so please don't try. I know you were playing but I'm not gonna budge on that fact. I know you take responsibility for a lot, even more than you should, but work is different. Just do it.)
SO, the argument escalated as emotions flared and buttons were pushed and things were said. I said "I'm asking you to do this simple task because you're an artist. You KNOW how to get beauty out of things!" She replied with "No I don't!" and it just came out. "Then why are you an artist?!?" She took it as if I was insulting her amazing artistic skill (and I will say it again... AMAZING Artistic Skill!!!) but what I was trying to say was "If you didn't think you knew how to bring beauty out of things, then why would you have perused art?" My point was more of "that's a bold faced lie because I have seen your work and even YOU know you're good at that. So don't tell me you don't know how." After I had said that, the argument was over. She went to go work in the back to get away from me and I was left to do my own work out front.
To conclude the story of the yogurt, I made a swirl in the cup, put the toppings on in strategic places to make it look good at the perfect angle, set it up outside, but it was too late. Not only had the sun already gone down, leaving me with a deficiency of light to shoot in high quality, but putting the toppings on, setting it up on the right spot so it would have great scenery, and finding the right angle on it, took so long, it was already melting and looking like a pile of fat-kid vomit after dessert one night. It was a total waste of time. The short window of opportunity I had to shoot footage was taken up by arguing and fighting, because being uncooperative was OH so much MORE fun than helping me get the task at hand finished. She told me the next day she did that "because she could".
Listen, this is me venting (I am allowed to do so) but this does NOT mean that I dislike you because of this. I still think you are a great friend (when your not trying to get a reaction out of me so you have a reason to not like me) and I still have the utmost respect for you and your talents with art. I just hope you mature enough to realize that when your at work, these mind games of yours are inappropriate and do not aid to business in any way. I would much rather you refuse to have fun and just do your job then try and ruin the fun we do have because your feeling guilty for having fun with me instead of your boyfriend, because he's too immature to live in the moment and not let his emotional bull crap bleed over into your relationship.
Your not as mysterious as you think. You're either feeling guilty about it, or your fighting thoughts of being with me because you see that I'm usually a great emotional support and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Let me put your mind at ease there. You are too old for my taste. You aren't my type and even if you weren't dating my best friend I would still ask to just be good friends. Nothing against you, it's just that I know you aren't the one God's been saving for me. How do I know? Easy, when it comes to girls, that is the one thing in my life I have learned to hear Holy Spirit very well in. There have been many girls I would have LOVED to go out with and probably had a really good chance with but i never went with them (except once... Major mistake) because He made it an obvious "NO." (Visual reference: http://www.lowbird.com/data/images/2011/03/1299943493450.jpg)
STOP, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, TRYING TO RUIN A PERFECTLY GOOD FRIENDSHIP BECAUSE YOU WANT TO STAY LOYAL TO A SINKING SHIP!!!! You even told me yourself, that your family is starting to see it too! If I could do anything about it, I would, because even though I am still (and always will be) loyal to my oldest friend, I do not want to see you be destroyed all because your scared that if you don't stay with him, no one else will love you. That is BULL CRAP! God has someone AMAZING for you and this man-child isn't it! (Sorry man, but you aren't emotionally stable enough for a relationship. Heck, I don't even think your dad is but that's becoming more and more apparent as time goes on.) Jump ship and let go of your emotions and turn to God for guidance without the influence of how you feel. This hell you have found yourself in isn't a result of you being tested by God, it's because you are blindly following your emotions and calling it God. How do you think your other half's life went to hell so fast? Because his joke of a father is doing the same freakin' thing.
I wish you would read this and just accept it and take my advice, but I know if you read this, it'll make things worse and you'll probably cry and hate me. Well here you go. You wanted a reason to not like me? Here it is. A 4 page rant about the bull crap in recent life.
You wanted to get a reaction out of me? Here it is. Your not going to see me mad outside of this blog so if your so bound and determined to tick me off, keep going! My readers will be getting plenty of new posts a week. All the fruit of your labor will be recorded here for your viewing pleasure, if by some miracle you come across this abomination of a blog post. Hope your happy, 'cause we're in for a MAJOR up hill battle and at least I have an out let to regain my stamina... Do you?
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Thursday, January 26, 2012
To Whom It May Concern...
If you read this and you remember all of this as well, this is to you...
Think back, way back, to a simpler time and place. Where the biggest event on your daily agenda was recess and the best part was whatever adventure you were going to go on that day. The earliest was second grade (possibly first) when you had a best friend. You and him would swing on the swings and would pretend to be Luke and Leah Skywalker, running around fighting Darth Vader and other villains. You two were inseparable, always doing everything together. In third grade you taught him how to ice skate. Although you were much better than him, you held his hand the whole way, never letting him fall. You never let him down. Even on the playground when all the other kids were picking on you guys, you always had his back. You were one of the few who took the time to get to know him and really be friends. Your dad would come to school just to make you sit with the girls because he wanted you to not be such a tomboy, but how could anyone keep you two apart?
Remember when you wanted to show off and you two arm wrestled? You would beat him every time. You were so strong, probably because you had to be for ice skating. Then there was the time you wanted to show off your skills on the balance beam in the sand. You told your best friend to step back because you were going to kick him but he said no, he was far enough back. You insisted and he still said no. So you went ahead and did a cartwheel on the beam and kicked him right in the face. You felt so bad about it. His nose was bleeding and he was crying but you warned him. No matter what you could have done you couldn't have helped and I'm sure that hurt you a lot.
Now remember the time in third grade when the teacher showed you how to make Japanese paper houses? You paired up with your best friend again and you had Popsicle sticks and colored paper with glue to hold it all together. You made the house and he made the roof. He wanted to make the best roof possible. One that wasn't going to break or tear or fade offer time so he lined up a bunch of those sticks and made it sturdy. That wasn't the assignment tho and he realized he had done it wrong. You had made a perfect square house. You had colored it beautifully and it was exactly how the teacher had asked for it. After the class was done, you had a sweet idea. Since you had made the house and he had made the roof, you wanted to give him a part of you and keep a part of him for yourself. He got mad and was hell bent on keeping his mistake to himself. That hurt you because you cared about him and you wanted something to remember him by. What he didn't tell you was that he was embarrassed and wanted to throw his work away because he was ashamed of it. He didn't want you to remember him as a failure and someone who was dumb and couldn't understand basic directions.
You may remember the last time you saw each other. It was the Harkins on Bell rd. the summer shortly after third grade. You were leaving and he was coming. You guys greeted each other but even though he wanted to so badly, there wasn't enough time to stay and chat. Such a fleeting moment in history but it haunted his memory for years. You may or may not remember all of that but there is another part to this story that you don't know.....
What you don't know is that after you left that small private school, his world fell apart after you. With his third grade knowledge, he promised himself he'd find you. He spent the next 10 years searching for you. The methods evolved from your name in a Google search to Googling public record sites hoping to find some glimmer of hope. Facebook, Myspace, and even some off-brand social networks that were the equivalent of the internet's ghetto showed nothing. The only thing he ever found was the results to an ice skating competition at a local ice rink where you place 2nd place a few years after you had left school. He was happy for you and he missed you dearly.
5 years later, when a public records website only reviled two people by your first and last name (one in her 40s and one too young to be you), he stopped actively looking. Why wasn't there an up to date record of you in Arizona? Did you move states? If so, where to? How was he going to find you then. Your name is apparently more popular than he thought. He prayed that you had moved, or changed names, or went into witness protection, or anything other than the alternative. He stopped in order to save himself from what he might find.
I may have stopped looking but I never gave up faith that we would see each other again. I remember you face, voice, and smile like it was yesterday. Your the girl I can NEVER forget because you meant the world to me. You were my life, my sanity, and the one good thing that ever happened during those years. You were my friend, my family, and even today I miss you. I've come a long way from that insecure little boy who thought he was going to be with you forever. I write this in third person because I'm not him anymore. I'm not desperate for a friend or someone to love me. I have those things. I've learned who I am and I know you were in my life to help me through those years. Although I've come to the place in my life where I don't think I'll probably see you or recognize you again, I still miss you, and I still love you. My dear friend, my esteemed acquaintance, my most cherished companion. I hope you see this And I hope you find me. God knows what I would give to spend time with you again.
My best wishes to you and my most meaningful prayers for you,
Your best friend.
Think back, way back, to a simpler time and place. Where the biggest event on your daily agenda was recess and the best part was whatever adventure you were going to go on that day. The earliest was second grade (possibly first) when you had a best friend. You and him would swing on the swings and would pretend to be Luke and Leah Skywalker, running around fighting Darth Vader and other villains. You two were inseparable, always doing everything together. In third grade you taught him how to ice skate. Although you were much better than him, you held his hand the whole way, never letting him fall. You never let him down. Even on the playground when all the other kids were picking on you guys, you always had his back. You were one of the few who took the time to get to know him and really be friends. Your dad would come to school just to make you sit with the girls because he wanted you to not be such a tomboy, but how could anyone keep you two apart?
Remember when you wanted to show off and you two arm wrestled? You would beat him every time. You were so strong, probably because you had to be for ice skating. Then there was the time you wanted to show off your skills on the balance beam in the sand. You told your best friend to step back because you were going to kick him but he said no, he was far enough back. You insisted and he still said no. So you went ahead and did a cartwheel on the beam and kicked him right in the face. You felt so bad about it. His nose was bleeding and he was crying but you warned him. No matter what you could have done you couldn't have helped and I'm sure that hurt you a lot.
Now remember the time in third grade when the teacher showed you how to make Japanese paper houses? You paired up with your best friend again and you had Popsicle sticks and colored paper with glue to hold it all together. You made the house and he made the roof. He wanted to make the best roof possible. One that wasn't going to break or tear or fade offer time so he lined up a bunch of those sticks and made it sturdy. That wasn't the assignment tho and he realized he had done it wrong. You had made a perfect square house. You had colored it beautifully and it was exactly how the teacher had asked for it. After the class was done, you had a sweet idea. Since you had made the house and he had made the roof, you wanted to give him a part of you and keep a part of him for yourself. He got mad and was hell bent on keeping his mistake to himself. That hurt you because you cared about him and you wanted something to remember him by. What he didn't tell you was that he was embarrassed and wanted to throw his work away because he was ashamed of it. He didn't want you to remember him as a failure and someone who was dumb and couldn't understand basic directions.
You may remember the last time you saw each other. It was the Harkins on Bell rd. the summer shortly after third grade. You were leaving and he was coming. You guys greeted each other but even though he wanted to so badly, there wasn't enough time to stay and chat. Such a fleeting moment in history but it haunted his memory for years. You may or may not remember all of that but there is another part to this story that you don't know.....
What you don't know is that after you left that small private school, his world fell apart after you. With his third grade knowledge, he promised himself he'd find you. He spent the next 10 years searching for you. The methods evolved from your name in a Google search to Googling public record sites hoping to find some glimmer of hope. Facebook, Myspace, and even some off-brand social networks that were the equivalent of the internet's ghetto showed nothing. The only thing he ever found was the results to an ice skating competition at a local ice rink where you place 2nd place a few years after you had left school. He was happy for you and he missed you dearly.
5 years later, when a public records website only reviled two people by your first and last name (one in her 40s and one too young to be you), he stopped actively looking. Why wasn't there an up to date record of you in Arizona? Did you move states? If so, where to? How was he going to find you then. Your name is apparently more popular than he thought. He prayed that you had moved, or changed names, or went into witness protection, or anything other than the alternative. He stopped in order to save himself from what he might find.
I may have stopped looking but I never gave up faith that we would see each other again. I remember you face, voice, and smile like it was yesterday. Your the girl I can NEVER forget because you meant the world to me. You were my life, my sanity, and the one good thing that ever happened during those years. You were my friend, my family, and even today I miss you. I've come a long way from that insecure little boy who thought he was going to be with you forever. I write this in third person because I'm not him anymore. I'm not desperate for a friend or someone to love me. I have those things. I've learned who I am and I know you were in my life to help me through those years. Although I've come to the place in my life where I don't think I'll probably see you or recognize you again, I still miss you, and I still love you. My dear friend, my esteemed acquaintance, my most cherished companion. I hope you see this And I hope you find me. God knows what I would give to spend time with you again.
My best wishes to you and my most meaningful prayers for you,
Your best friend.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
My Life's Prayer...
A prayer that engulfs me:
Father, I thank You for giving me strength to love even when my emotions are rattled. I thank You for giving me the ability to control myself under stress and not let the storms of this world throw me about. I pray for the wisdom to be the teacher You are molding me into and I pray I do not drive people away from You while trying to instruct. You have brought me through hell and back. I've stared into the abyss and You've pulled me back from the ledge. I have learned from my mistakes and have been taught many lessons. The greatest of which is Love. The love You have for me, the love You've given to me for others, and the power of Your love, most of all. I pray that everyone who reads about me and those who remember me when I'm gone all say one thing, that I loved people and there was no doubt in their minds that You were with me. I want You to be the focus of my life and for You to be obvious to others through me. Thank You for Your love. Thank You for Your patients with me though the years. Thank You for developing me into the Godly and Righteous man You made me at my rebirth. I give to You my mind to mold and my body to work through, for it isn't I who lives but You through me. I love You, Father, and I can't wait to see what You're going to do next.
Amen.
Father, I thank You for giving me strength to love even when my emotions are rattled. I thank You for giving me the ability to control myself under stress and not let the storms of this world throw me about. I pray for the wisdom to be the teacher You are molding me into and I pray I do not drive people away from You while trying to instruct. You have brought me through hell and back. I've stared into the abyss and You've pulled me back from the ledge. I have learned from my mistakes and have been taught many lessons. The greatest of which is Love. The love You have for me, the love You've given to me for others, and the power of Your love, most of all. I pray that everyone who reads about me and those who remember me when I'm gone all say one thing, that I loved people and there was no doubt in their minds that You were with me. I want You to be the focus of my life and for You to be obvious to others through me. Thank You for Your love. Thank You for Your patients with me though the years. Thank You for developing me into the Godly and Righteous man You made me at my rebirth. I give to You my mind to mold and my body to work through, for it isn't I who lives but You through me. I love You, Father, and I can't wait to see what You're going to do next.
Amen.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
A Step Forward
Tonight was a step forward for me in my walk with God. I have won this battle with fear for the first time and I have to tell people. I'm so excited!
For the last week, one of my friends has been dealing with family issues. More specifically, his mom had gone to the hospital to get a major tumor removed from her chest cavity. He had been handling the situation well for the most part and has needed time with friends.
Tonight, we hung out with another mutual friend who drove us around. We went and got dinner at Five Guys and went to a park to light off my last firework from New Years. The plan was to go back to my friends house while our mutual friend went to go pick up his dad from work. When we arrived, his mom had to go somewhere and we couldn't hang out there. So he said he would have to come back to my house, drop me off, and pick up his stuff. He helped his mom to the car (it was obvious that she was in extreme pain) and we hopped in and left. I couldn't just sit there and watch. It's not in my nature. On the other hand, time and time again, fear had its hooks in me, keeping me from ever stepping out and actually praying for anyone. The usual thoughts flowed through my mind. "What if I say they're going to be healed and nothing happens?" "What if they laugh at me and say no?" "What if I say they'll be heeled, nothing happens, and it causes them to run from God instead of causing them t run to Him?" All these things were flowing through my head but I caught my thoughts and said, "No. After EVERYTHING I've learned this last year, I know better than that." (see 2011 in a Nutshell) I resolved in myself I was NOT going to chicken out this time. His mom liked me and all the rest was nullified by the fact that I'm not the one working here, Holy Spirit is. Paul said, "It's not I who lives, but Christ in me." (Galatians 2:20)If everyone realized this, a majority of the worlds problems would be solved instantly.
Anyways! The whole way home I was praying in tongues, trying to keep my thoughts away from doubt. When fear didn't work, the enemy decided to try and get me prepared. The thought of, "Well, what are you gonna say? What if you miss a detail and it screws it all up?" (One thing I've learned over the years is all the "What if's" in life, come from the enemy. Satan's minions love to try and get you to second guess yourself) I once again found my thoughts trying to think of all these phrases I've heard prayed over people in my life and I had to catch my self again. "NO! I am not going to do this out of my own head! I reuse to go off my own understanding! (Proverbs 3:4-6)" So I prayed in tongues more and felt the fear reside.
The time came when we pulled into my driveway and it was now or never. I started by saying, "I know you guys don't go to church but do you mind if I pray for you?" In my surprise, his mom replied, "Yes, please do." I was relieved when I heard this and it gave me a new found sense of confidence that this is why I came to his house. I layed my hands on her and just prayed what came to mind. I thanked God that he loved her more than anything and that Jesus died so that she didn't have to deal with this infirmity. I called health and life to her body and told it to close up and become whole. I thanked God for his healing power and thanked him for healing her. After I was done I didn't notice anything right away. She didn't say anything but "Thank you." So I told her "Your going to get better." and left with my friend to get his stuff. On the way in, he told me "Thank you, man, that meant a lot." I told him, "Any time." I told him on the way out to keep me posted on how his mom's doing. He said "Sure." and he left.
Although this isn't a grand Faith-filled story of some miraculous event, the fact that I didn't chicken out and actually walked in faith to pray for someone I didn't really know is a victory in its self. I thank God for teaching me all that He did last year so that He could use me in a time like this. A year ago if you asked me to pray for someone, I'd be sacred out of my mind, but tonight I'm pumped! I can't wait for the next challenge to come my way.
"God I thank You for living and working through me to reach people around me. I thank You for Your loving power that you have granted to us and the authority to use it. You are amazing, God, and I want to always be Yours to use. Amen."
For the last week, one of my friends has been dealing with family issues. More specifically, his mom had gone to the hospital to get a major tumor removed from her chest cavity. He had been handling the situation well for the most part and has needed time with friends.
Tonight, we hung out with another mutual friend who drove us around. We went and got dinner at Five Guys and went to a park to light off my last firework from New Years. The plan was to go back to my friends house while our mutual friend went to go pick up his dad from work. When we arrived, his mom had to go somewhere and we couldn't hang out there. So he said he would have to come back to my house, drop me off, and pick up his stuff. He helped his mom to the car (it was obvious that she was in extreme pain) and we hopped in and left. I couldn't just sit there and watch. It's not in my nature. On the other hand, time and time again, fear had its hooks in me, keeping me from ever stepping out and actually praying for anyone. The usual thoughts flowed through my mind. "What if I say they're going to be healed and nothing happens?" "What if they laugh at me and say no?" "What if I say they'll be heeled, nothing happens, and it causes them to run from God instead of causing them t run to Him?" All these things were flowing through my head but I caught my thoughts and said, "No. After EVERYTHING I've learned this last year, I know better than that." (see 2011 in a Nutshell) I resolved in myself I was NOT going to chicken out this time. His mom liked me and all the rest was nullified by the fact that I'm not the one working here, Holy Spirit is. Paul said, "It's not I who lives, but Christ in me." (Galatians 2:20)If everyone realized this, a majority of the worlds problems would be solved instantly.
Anyways! The whole way home I was praying in tongues, trying to keep my thoughts away from doubt. When fear didn't work, the enemy decided to try and get me prepared. The thought of, "Well, what are you gonna say? What if you miss a detail and it screws it all up?" (One thing I've learned over the years is all the "What if's" in life, come from the enemy. Satan's minions love to try and get you to second guess yourself) I once again found my thoughts trying to think of all these phrases I've heard prayed over people in my life and I had to catch my self again. "NO! I am not going to do this out of my own head! I reuse to go off my own understanding! (Proverbs 3:4-6)" So I prayed in tongues more and felt the fear reside.
The time came when we pulled into my driveway and it was now or never. I started by saying, "I know you guys don't go to church but do you mind if I pray for you?" In my surprise, his mom replied, "Yes, please do." I was relieved when I heard this and it gave me a new found sense of confidence that this is why I came to his house. I layed my hands on her and just prayed what came to mind. I thanked God that he loved her more than anything and that Jesus died so that she didn't have to deal with this infirmity. I called health and life to her body and told it to close up and become whole. I thanked God for his healing power and thanked him for healing her. After I was done I didn't notice anything right away. She didn't say anything but "Thank you." So I told her "Your going to get better." and left with my friend to get his stuff. On the way in, he told me "Thank you, man, that meant a lot." I told him, "Any time." I told him on the way out to keep me posted on how his mom's doing. He said "Sure." and he left.
Although this isn't a grand Faith-filled story of some miraculous event, the fact that I didn't chicken out and actually walked in faith to pray for someone I didn't really know is a victory in its self. I thank God for teaching me all that He did last year so that He could use me in a time like this. A year ago if you asked me to pray for someone, I'd be sacred out of my mind, but tonight I'm pumped! I can't wait for the next challenge to come my way.
"God I thank You for living and working through me to reach people around me. I thank You for Your loving power that you have granted to us and the authority to use it. You are amazing, God, and I want to always be Yours to use. Amen."
2011 in a Nutshell
Much has changed since I posted last. As I sit here looking out the windows of this unfrequented frozen yogurt shop I now call a job, I feel compelled to write, since I haven't done so since school work picked up towards the end of the semester. God's blessings have come and so has life's trials, but I'm still here, not so much 'weathering the storm' as some would say, but rather flying above it. There is much chaos ahead of me but I am not directly influenced by it.
Where to begin? Well, as a wise man once said, "There is only one place to start. The beginning." My life, has been layed out to you, the reader, so that you may learn what I have learned and not make the same mistakes I have. A smart man learns from his mistakes, but a wise man learns from others mistakes. The last couple of months have been a lesson played out in front of me. All last year, I learned how to listen and trust God for what he had already promised me.
Matthew 6:33 New American Standard Bible (NASB) "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."
That was my biggest lesson I had to learn. No one could do it for me. I couldn't live off my parent's blessing anymore. It was time for me to learn how to walk in God's blessing he had been saving for me and start his plan for my life. We started a young adults bible study at my house with a few of my friends. My dad, being the pastor, was the leader of the group. We came up with questions, topics, and things that were bugging us throughout our lives. We had a well rounded group, too. We had someone for every type of christian out there. There was the Debater (a baptist theologian, in his own right, grounded heavily in logic), the Seeker (raised in a traditionally conservative baptist-like church who longed for more), the Charismatic (his beliefs were grounded in emotion and only knew what others had told him), the Blissful (didn't know a lot but was comfortable in what she had been taught so far), and then me, the Desperate. After losing my girlfriend, car, and job within a month's time-span, and baring the weight of the court bill for my accident, and possibly an extra $1,500 for the other guy's car (of which my insurance didn't cover), with NO income, I was fighting depression and self hate. Not to mention that if I had let everything get to me, I would have suffered a nervous breakdown. We all had one thing in common, we all wanted to learn. I personally needed to. We met every Thursday at 6:30, ate pizza, and had our Q&A session. I had grown up in church, with my dad as a pastor and all, but I learned more about what it meant to listen to Holy Spirit in those few months than I had my whole life, so far.
During those summer months, not only did I get a grant to go to school but I also got hired at a local frozen yogurt shop that had been opened by friends of the family. I knew the manager so getting the job was easy. I was hired as an assistant manager to a location that hadn't opened yet and I was content to wait. School started and I was loving it. Didn't have a car yet but I was thankful for my parents and my sister for their time driving me places. August came and the store didn't open on time. September came and went and still nothing. End of October was coming up. My birthday came and went, as had those days prior, and I called my manager. I told him I needed to know what date we were looking at opening because if it wasn't any time soon I was going to need to look for something else. I prayed about keeping what I had gotten but with 2 months past the opening date, I was getting desperate. What good is having a job when your not getting paid anything for it? Finally November came, and in the first week, they received the yogurt machines and we were ready to set up. Everyone who had been hired thus far came in and worked a 10 hour day the first 2 days before we opened just to get everything set up and ready to go. Opening day I worked another 10-12 hours. At $8.50/hr my first paycheck (which covered 3 weeks of pay due to the fact that we opened half way through a pay period) was HUGE!!! Almost, if not more than, $700! I was excited about what my next paycheck was going to be. Then I found out that they had closed the first location and they were letting my manager go. Was I to be promoted after a month of service? What was going to happen to everyone from the other store? I soon found out that the manager and assistant manager from the old shop was coming to fill in the gap, but that meant I was getting demoted and I was getting knocked down to $7.50/hr. Ok, not so bad. That's what I was making at Fry's. I prayed bout staying or looking for a new job because given my predicament with the bank and credit card, as well, I needed more than "just enough".
Drama ensued in the month following. The new managers were cutting everyone's hours except their own, and were stealing overtime pay from the company. I had told them I couldn't work Sundays and they scheduled me for them anyways. My best friends girlfriend ("the blissful" from before) was hired and we started working quite a bit together because we had the most open schedules out of everyone. This caused my best friend to feel left out. Not jealous, because even he knew I wasn't going to try anything, but when your girlfriend spends more time with your best friend than you, you start to get depressed about it. (didn't help that anytime we hung out we always asked him if he wanted to and 9 times out of 10 he'd say no.) So that caused tention in their relationship. Then the managers got fired and She and I were promoted back to assistant manager. The owner's wife, who had been greatly involved in the company for some time now, came in as head manager (which threw all of us off guard considering the old managers had said they were handed over the company because the owners didn't want to be so involved anymore)... (liars). So chaos ensued as lies, rumors and the truth were thrown into a blender and served to us pieces at a time. I almost decided to jump ship, but something inside said, "stay". So here I am.
God has brought me through loss, depression, chaos, and lack this last year, not once letting me go to be swept away in the storm and He brought me out on top. The true test of how fixed I have become from being such a broken man last year showed itself yesterday.
I had been clearing out my old Dell laptop and I decided I was going to clear out my pictures. In the "Me Pics" folder, I found another folder labeled "Pics of *Ex's name* and *baby's name*". I was taken back. I thought I had deleted all of them months ago. She had asked for some pics of her daughter that I had taken right after that but I had told her I didn't have them anymore. So I messaged a mutual friend of ours on facebook and asked her if she would take the pics of the baby and give them to my ex. As I looked through them, I just smiled. I wasn't heart broken, or sick to my stomach by seeing her again. Actually, I was thankful for the time we had together. The pictures of our day at the zoo brought back wonderful memories. I loved that day, and that joy, in some measure, found it's way back to me. I still have those pictures, i don't know what I'm going to do with them but for now, their a reminder of a beautiful thing.
God is amazing and He will always lead you to the top of any situation you find yourself in. It is true, if you make God your TOP priority and learn what you can when you can full heartedly, He will show you amazing things and will NEVER let you down. Matthew 6:33
Where to begin? Well, as a wise man once said, "There is only one place to start. The beginning." My life, has been layed out to you, the reader, so that you may learn what I have learned and not make the same mistakes I have. A smart man learns from his mistakes, but a wise man learns from others mistakes. The last couple of months have been a lesson played out in front of me. All last year, I learned how to listen and trust God for what he had already promised me.
Matthew 6:33 New American Standard Bible (NASB) "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."
That was my biggest lesson I had to learn. No one could do it for me. I couldn't live off my parent's blessing anymore. It was time for me to learn how to walk in God's blessing he had been saving for me and start his plan for my life. We started a young adults bible study at my house with a few of my friends. My dad, being the pastor, was the leader of the group. We came up with questions, topics, and things that were bugging us throughout our lives. We had a well rounded group, too. We had someone for every type of christian out there. There was the Debater (a baptist theologian, in his own right, grounded heavily in logic), the Seeker (raised in a traditionally conservative baptist-like church who longed for more), the Charismatic (his beliefs were grounded in emotion and only knew what others had told him), the Blissful (didn't know a lot but was comfortable in what she had been taught so far), and then me, the Desperate. After losing my girlfriend, car, and job within a month's time-span, and baring the weight of the court bill for my accident, and possibly an extra $1,500 for the other guy's car (of which my insurance didn't cover), with NO income, I was fighting depression and self hate. Not to mention that if I had let everything get to me, I would have suffered a nervous breakdown. We all had one thing in common, we all wanted to learn. I personally needed to. We met every Thursday at 6:30, ate pizza, and had our Q&A session. I had grown up in church, with my dad as a pastor and all, but I learned more about what it meant to listen to Holy Spirit in those few months than I had my whole life, so far.
During those summer months, not only did I get a grant to go to school but I also got hired at a local frozen yogurt shop that had been opened by friends of the family. I knew the manager so getting the job was easy. I was hired as an assistant manager to a location that hadn't opened yet and I was content to wait. School started and I was loving it. Didn't have a car yet but I was thankful for my parents and my sister for their time driving me places. August came and the store didn't open on time. September came and went and still nothing. End of October was coming up. My birthday came and went, as had those days prior, and I called my manager. I told him I needed to know what date we were looking at opening because if it wasn't any time soon I was going to need to look for something else. I prayed about keeping what I had gotten but with 2 months past the opening date, I was getting desperate. What good is having a job when your not getting paid anything for it? Finally November came, and in the first week, they received the yogurt machines and we were ready to set up. Everyone who had been hired thus far came in and worked a 10 hour day the first 2 days before we opened just to get everything set up and ready to go. Opening day I worked another 10-12 hours. At $8.50/hr my first paycheck (which covered 3 weeks of pay due to the fact that we opened half way through a pay period) was HUGE!!! Almost, if not more than, $700! I was excited about what my next paycheck was going to be. Then I found out that they had closed the first location and they were letting my manager go. Was I to be promoted after a month of service? What was going to happen to everyone from the other store? I soon found out that the manager and assistant manager from the old shop was coming to fill in the gap, but that meant I was getting demoted and I was getting knocked down to $7.50/hr. Ok, not so bad. That's what I was making at Fry's. I prayed bout staying or looking for a new job because given my predicament with the bank and credit card, as well, I needed more than "just enough".
Drama ensued in the month following. The new managers were cutting everyone's hours except their own, and were stealing overtime pay from the company. I had told them I couldn't work Sundays and they scheduled me for them anyways. My best friends girlfriend ("the blissful" from before) was hired and we started working quite a bit together because we had the most open schedules out of everyone. This caused my best friend to feel left out. Not jealous, because even he knew I wasn't going to try anything, but when your girlfriend spends more time with your best friend than you, you start to get depressed about it. (didn't help that anytime we hung out we always asked him if he wanted to and 9 times out of 10 he'd say no.) So that caused tention in their relationship. Then the managers got fired and She and I were promoted back to assistant manager. The owner's wife, who had been greatly involved in the company for some time now, came in as head manager (which threw all of us off guard considering the old managers had said they were handed over the company because the owners didn't want to be so involved anymore)... (liars). So chaos ensued as lies, rumors and the truth were thrown into a blender and served to us pieces at a time. I almost decided to jump ship, but something inside said, "stay". So here I am.
God has brought me through loss, depression, chaos, and lack this last year, not once letting me go to be swept away in the storm and He brought me out on top. The true test of how fixed I have become from being such a broken man last year showed itself yesterday.
I had been clearing out my old Dell laptop and I decided I was going to clear out my pictures. In the "Me Pics" folder, I found another folder labeled "Pics of *Ex's name* and *baby's name*". I was taken back. I thought I had deleted all of them months ago. She had asked for some pics of her daughter that I had taken right after that but I had told her I didn't have them anymore. So I messaged a mutual friend of ours on facebook and asked her if she would take the pics of the baby and give them to my ex. As I looked through them, I just smiled. I wasn't heart broken, or sick to my stomach by seeing her again. Actually, I was thankful for the time we had together. The pictures of our day at the zoo brought back wonderful memories. I loved that day, and that joy, in some measure, found it's way back to me. I still have those pictures, i don't know what I'm going to do with them but for now, their a reminder of a beautiful thing.
God is amazing and He will always lead you to the top of any situation you find yourself in. It is true, if you make God your TOP priority and learn what you can when you can full heartedly, He will show you amazing things and will NEVER let you down. Matthew 6:33
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Me recently...
I haven’t blogged in a while but I figured I would while I’m sitting here on Scottsdale Community Colleges campus. As I sit here it is starting to rain and the most vivid rainbow comes out. It’s a full rainbow too, coming up from one side of campus and touching down on the other. It’s amazing to see it. I don’t remember when the last time I saw one was, it was so long ago. Such a beautiful day out today, with the clouds out and a light rain falling down on my face as I type this.
Lately I have been struggling with thoughts of my ex. Not bad feelings or regrets just annoying thoughts of what if. I keep having to tell myself that I don’t care. She made her decision and we weren’t meant to be together anyways so I thank god for allowing me to experience the short time of joy with her while protecting me from myself. There are many things that I would have done with her if it wasn’t for God’s hand on my life… and honestly right now I would be regretting every minute of it. I don’t know why I’ve been thinking of her, maybe it’s my mind searching for a fantasy of a relationship with someone. I know I’ve been lonely lately and for the longest time I’ve wanted to have a girlfriend but what I really want is a healthy, Godly relationship that I can be respected and appreciated and I can love her the way she deserves. I know I’ll make the right girl happy one day, I just wish that day would be today. I see all these girls around campus, a lot of them I would love to go out with but He hasn’t given me the green light yet. Is it that I’m not ready yet, or I haven’t come across her yet? Could it be both? I’m just living and looking and the more I do the more I feel I’m getting desperate and I don’t want to go back to that again.
Speaking of girls, an old acquaintance has come back from the past. She’s 6 years younger than me and I’m pretty sure we were “reading buddies” back when I was in 6th grade. Our school would take the smaller older classes and match them up with the larger younger classes to help them read kids books. Simple things like Dr. Sues and other books like that. She was 1 of 3 kids I had in my group and she clung to me like an older brother. I had totally forgotten about her until earlier this year when she emailed me asking how I was and saying “I’m sure you probably don’t remember me but…” She was right, I had no idea until she told me where she knew me from and I was shocked she remembered me! She was SO young and I know I don’t remember anyone 6 years older than me when I was in 1st grade. I’m glad that she found me when she did though because she’s in a hard time in her life right now. She just turned 16 and she’s is going through the "trying-to-find-out-who-she-is" phase. That was a rough time for all of us and my sister was about as bad as she is (apparently) right now. I have talked to her mother twice now and she is allowing her and me to be friends saying “I pray you are a good influence on her.” Ma’am I can tell you that I don’t know anyone better than I, at this age, to be a good influence. She’s still taken to me as if we were close siblings. I think it’s pretty cool that she found me after all this time. Gives me hope for my search…
Anyways, we had planed to meet but our plans were ill timed. On the other hand, her mother wants me to come over for dinner some time so they all could meet me together. I know her motives are to just protect her daughter and she’s hoping I’m a good kid but there’s that obvious accent flavor of skepticism. I cant blame her, with a daughter as sneaky as hers, who knows what kind of friends she will make online (which is where she had contacted me). Yeah I’m nervous, mainly because I don’t know what she has told her mom and I don’t want to say something to get her in trouble but that’s not on me. I am excited because I know that I make friends easy and even the most skeptic of parents will trust me within 10 minutes, that’s just my personality. It should be fun. We will see what happens.
Usually I like hard rock, intense music. Some of my favorite bands include Thousand Foot Krutch, Skillet, 3 Doors Down, Linkin Park, and others. But recently I’ve found my self wanting more calm music, what I like to call “starbucks music”. It’s like the soothing coffee shop music you usually hear. Some bands I’ve started listenng to are Frou Frou, Loquat, Joshua Raiden, and many others. Unfortunately, Joshua Raiden has many songs about relationships and broken relationships. Maybe that’s fueling my whole issue up top. I don’t know, but I do know that I found this music to be a great life soundtrack and very inspiring as I write. It relaxes the brain and allows me to think more smoothly. Thoughts flow easier when not trying to not function with strong beats and loud words. I guess that’s why they play it in coffee shops, huh. Either way, It’s been a smooth listening few weeks now.
Finally, I got a call from my manager today. After 2 whole months, the yogurt shop is ready to open. After losing my job at Fry’s Food and Drug stores on June 1st earlier this year, I was hired as a shift leader at a new yogurt shop that a friend of the family had opened. One was already open on the other side of town and the one over by me was supposed to open half way through August but they never did get what they needed in time. Now that they finally have everything they need, we are going to try and open this Saturday. I’m happy to finally be getting paid again. It has been way too long.
Lately I have been struggling with thoughts of my ex. Not bad feelings or regrets just annoying thoughts of what if. I keep having to tell myself that I don’t care. She made her decision and we weren’t meant to be together anyways so I thank god for allowing me to experience the short time of joy with her while protecting me from myself. There are many things that I would have done with her if it wasn’t for God’s hand on my life… and honestly right now I would be regretting every minute of it. I don’t know why I’ve been thinking of her, maybe it’s my mind searching for a fantasy of a relationship with someone. I know I’ve been lonely lately and for the longest time I’ve wanted to have a girlfriend but what I really want is a healthy, Godly relationship that I can be respected and appreciated and I can love her the way she deserves. I know I’ll make the right girl happy one day, I just wish that day would be today. I see all these girls around campus, a lot of them I would love to go out with but He hasn’t given me the green light yet. Is it that I’m not ready yet, or I haven’t come across her yet? Could it be both? I’m just living and looking and the more I do the more I feel I’m getting desperate and I don’t want to go back to that again.
Speaking of girls, an old acquaintance has come back from the past. She’s 6 years younger than me and I’m pretty sure we were “reading buddies” back when I was in 6th grade. Our school would take the smaller older classes and match them up with the larger younger classes to help them read kids books. Simple things like Dr. Sues and other books like that. She was 1 of 3 kids I had in my group and she clung to me like an older brother. I had totally forgotten about her until earlier this year when she emailed me asking how I was and saying “I’m sure you probably don’t remember me but…” She was right, I had no idea until she told me where she knew me from and I was shocked she remembered me! She was SO young and I know I don’t remember anyone 6 years older than me when I was in 1st grade. I’m glad that she found me when she did though because she’s in a hard time in her life right now. She just turned 16 and she’s is going through the "trying-to-find-out-who-she-is" phase. That was a rough time for all of us and my sister was about as bad as she is (apparently) right now. I have talked to her mother twice now and she is allowing her and me to be friends saying “I pray you are a good influence on her.” Ma’am I can tell you that I don’t know anyone better than I, at this age, to be a good influence. She’s still taken to me as if we were close siblings. I think it’s pretty cool that she found me after all this time. Gives me hope for my search…
Anyways, we had planed to meet but our plans were ill timed. On the other hand, her mother wants me to come over for dinner some time so they all could meet me together. I know her motives are to just protect her daughter and she’s hoping I’m a good kid but there’s that obvious accent flavor of skepticism. I cant blame her, with a daughter as sneaky as hers, who knows what kind of friends she will make online (which is where she had contacted me). Yeah I’m nervous, mainly because I don’t know what she has told her mom and I don’t want to say something to get her in trouble but that’s not on me. I am excited because I know that I make friends easy and even the most skeptic of parents will trust me within 10 minutes, that’s just my personality. It should be fun. We will see what happens.
Usually I like hard rock, intense music. Some of my favorite bands include Thousand Foot Krutch, Skillet, 3 Doors Down, Linkin Park, and others. But recently I’ve found my self wanting more calm music, what I like to call “starbucks music”. It’s like the soothing coffee shop music you usually hear. Some bands I’ve started listenng to are Frou Frou, Loquat, Joshua Raiden, and many others. Unfortunately, Joshua Raiden has many songs about relationships and broken relationships. Maybe that’s fueling my whole issue up top. I don’t know, but I do know that I found this music to be a great life soundtrack and very inspiring as I write. It relaxes the brain and allows me to think more smoothly. Thoughts flow easier when not trying to not function with strong beats and loud words. I guess that’s why they play it in coffee shops, huh. Either way, It’s been a smooth listening few weeks now.
Finally, I got a call from my manager today. After 2 whole months, the yogurt shop is ready to open. After losing my job at Fry’s Food and Drug stores on June 1st earlier this year, I was hired as a shift leader at a new yogurt shop that a friend of the family had opened. One was already open on the other side of town and the one over by me was supposed to open half way through August but they never did get what they needed in time. Now that they finally have everything they need, we are going to try and open this Saturday. I’m happy to finally be getting paid again. It has been way too long.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
9/11
Ten years ago today
We watched in dismay
As rubble and debris fell from the sky
From where I was
I couldn't discuss
What I felt because I didn't know why
As I sat in my fith grade class
It felt like time did not pass
As the teacher tried to explain what had happened
He hid the grief and loss
As he tried to get across
The weight of our grave situation
It is now ten years later
And I still remember
The morning I watched the destruction
If it were today
You bet I would say
"I'm going to go fight for freedom"
I pray we never forget
And that they always regret
Everyone they sent to Heaven
And those many years that held
The day that terrorist fell
All because of 9/11
We watched in dismay
As rubble and debris fell from the sky
From where I was
I couldn't discuss
What I felt because I didn't know why
As I sat in my fith grade class
It felt like time did not pass
As the teacher tried to explain what had happened
He hid the grief and loss
As he tried to get across
The weight of our grave situation
It is now ten years later
And I still remember
The morning I watched the destruction
If it were today
You bet I would say
"I'm going to go fight for freedom"
I pray we never forget
And that they always regret
Everyone they sent to Heaven
And those many years that held
The day that terrorist fell
All because of 9/11
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)