I haven’t blogged in a while but I figured I would while I’m sitting here on Scottsdale Community Colleges campus. As I sit here it is starting to rain and the most vivid rainbow comes out. It’s a full rainbow too, coming up from one side of campus and touching down on the other. It’s amazing to see it. I don’t remember when the last time I saw one was, it was so long ago. Such a beautiful day out today, with the clouds out and a light rain falling down on my face as I type this.
Lately I have been struggling with thoughts of my ex. Not bad feelings or regrets just annoying thoughts of what if. I keep having to tell myself that I don’t care. She made her decision and we weren’t meant to be together anyways so I thank god for allowing me to experience the short time of joy with her while protecting me from myself. There are many things that I would have done with her if it wasn’t for God’s hand on my life… and honestly right now I would be regretting every minute of it. I don’t know why I’ve been thinking of her, maybe it’s my mind searching for a fantasy of a relationship with someone. I know I’ve been lonely lately and for the longest time I’ve wanted to have a girlfriend but what I really want is a healthy, Godly relationship that I can be respected and appreciated and I can love her the way she deserves. I know I’ll make the right girl happy one day, I just wish that day would be today. I see all these girls around campus, a lot of them I would love to go out with but He hasn’t given me the green light yet. Is it that I’m not ready yet, or I haven’t come across her yet? Could it be both? I’m just living and looking and the more I do the more I feel I’m getting desperate and I don’t want to go back to that again.
Speaking of girls, an old acquaintance has come back from the past. She’s 6 years younger than me and I’m pretty sure we were “reading buddies” back when I was in 6th grade. Our school would take the smaller older classes and match them up with the larger younger classes to help them read kids books. Simple things like Dr. Sues and other books like that. She was 1 of 3 kids I had in my group and she clung to me like an older brother. I had totally forgotten about her until earlier this year when she emailed me asking how I was and saying “I’m sure you probably don’t remember me but…” She was right, I had no idea until she told me where she knew me from and I was shocked she remembered me! She was SO young and I know I don’t remember anyone 6 years older than me when I was in 1st grade. I’m glad that she found me when she did though because she’s in a hard time in her life right now. She just turned 16 and she’s is going through the "trying-to-find-out-who-she-is" phase. That was a rough time for all of us and my sister was about as bad as she is (apparently) right now. I have talked to her mother twice now and she is allowing her and me to be friends saying “I pray you are a good influence on her.” Ma’am I can tell you that I don’t know anyone better than I, at this age, to be a good influence. She’s still taken to me as if we were close siblings. I think it’s pretty cool that she found me after all this time. Gives me hope for my search…
Anyways, we had planed to meet but our plans were ill timed. On the other hand, her mother wants me to come over for dinner some time so they all could meet me together. I know her motives are to just protect her daughter and she’s hoping I’m a good kid but there’s that obvious accent flavor of skepticism. I cant blame her, with a daughter as sneaky as hers, who knows what kind of friends she will make online (which is where she had contacted me). Yeah I’m nervous, mainly because I don’t know what she has told her mom and I don’t want to say something to get her in trouble but that’s not on me. I am excited because I know that I make friends easy and even the most skeptic of parents will trust me within 10 minutes, that’s just my personality. It should be fun. We will see what happens.
Usually I like hard rock, intense music. Some of my favorite bands include Thousand Foot Krutch, Skillet, 3 Doors Down, Linkin Park, and others. But recently I’ve found my self wanting more calm music, what I like to call “starbucks music”. It’s like the soothing coffee shop music you usually hear. Some bands I’ve started listenng to are Frou Frou, Loquat, Joshua Raiden, and many others. Unfortunately, Joshua Raiden has many songs about relationships and broken relationships. Maybe that’s fueling my whole issue up top. I don’t know, but I do know that I found this music to be a great life soundtrack and very inspiring as I write. It relaxes the brain and allows me to think more smoothly. Thoughts flow easier when not trying to not function with strong beats and loud words. I guess that’s why they play it in coffee shops, huh. Either way, It’s been a smooth listening few weeks now.
Finally, I got a call from my manager today. After 2 whole months, the yogurt shop is ready to open. After losing my job at Fry’s Food and Drug stores on June 1st earlier this year, I was hired as a shift leader at a new yogurt shop that a friend of the family had opened. One was already open on the other side of town and the one over by me was supposed to open half way through August but they never did get what they needed in time. Now that they finally have everything they need, we are going to try and open this Saturday. I’m happy to finally be getting paid again. It has been way too long.
