Me recently...

I haven’t blogged in a while but I figured I would while I’m sitting here on Scottsdale Community Colleges campus. As I sit here it is starting to rain and the most vivid rainbow comes out. It’s a full rainbow too, coming up from one side of campus and touching down on the other. It’s amazing to see it. I don’t remember when the last time I saw one was, it was so long ago. Such a beautiful day out today, with the clouds out and a light rain falling down on my face as I type this.

Lately I have been struggling with thoughts of my ex. Not bad feelings or regrets just annoying thoughts of what if. I keep having to tell myself that I don’t care. She made her decision and we weren’t meant to be together anyways so I thank god for allowing me to experience the short time of joy with her while protecting me from myself. There are many things that I would have done with her if it wasn’t for God’s hand on my life… and honestly right now I would be regretting every minute of it. I don’t know why I’ve been thinking of her, maybe it’s my mind searching for a fantasy of a relationship with someone. I know I’ve been lonely lately and for the longest time I’ve wanted to have a girlfriend but what I really want is a healthy, Godly relationship that I can be respected and appreciated and I can love her the way she deserves. I know I’ll make the right girl happy one day, I just wish that day would be today. I see all these girls around campus, a lot of them I would love to go out with but He hasn’t given me the green light yet. Is it that I’m not ready yet, or I haven’t come across her yet? Could it be both? I’m just living and looking and the more I do the more I feel I’m getting desperate and I don’t want to go back to that again.

Speaking of girls, an old acquaintance has come back from the past. She’s 6 years younger than me and I’m pretty sure we were “reading buddies” back when I was in 6th grade. Our school would take the smaller older classes and match them up with the larger younger classes to help them read kids books. Simple things like Dr. Sues and other books like that. She was 1 of 3 kids I had in my group and she clung to me like an older brother. I had totally forgotten about her until earlier this year when she emailed me asking how I was and saying “I’m sure you probably don’t remember me but…” She was right, I had no idea until she told me where she knew me from and I was shocked she remembered me! She was SO young and I know I don’t remember anyone 6 years older than me when I was in 1st grade. I’m glad that she found me when she did though because she’s in a hard time in her life right now. She just turned 16 and she’s is going through the "trying-to-find-out-who-she-is" phase. That was a rough time for all of us and my sister was about as bad as she is (apparently) right now. I have talked to her mother twice now and she is allowing her and me to be friends saying “I pray you are a good influence on her.” Ma’am I can tell you that I don’t know anyone better than I, at this age, to be a good influence. She’s still taken to me as if we were close siblings. I think it’s pretty cool that she found me after all this time. Gives me hope for my search…
Anyways, we had planed to meet but our plans were ill timed. On the other hand, her mother wants me to come over for dinner some time so they all could meet me together. I know her motives are to just protect her daughter and she’s hoping I’m a good kid but there’s that obvious accent flavor of skepticism. I cant blame her, with a daughter as sneaky as hers, who knows what kind of friends she will make online (which is where she had contacted me). Yeah I’m nervous, mainly because I don’t know what she has told her mom and I don’t want to say something to get her in trouble but that’s not on me. I am excited because I know that I make friends easy and even the most skeptic of parents will trust me within 10 minutes, that’s just my personality. It should be fun. We will see what happens.

Usually I like hard rock, intense music. Some of my favorite bands include Thousand Foot Krutch, Skillet, 3 Doors Down, Linkin Park, and others. But recently I’ve found my self wanting more calm music, what I like to call “starbucks music”. It’s like the soothing coffee shop music you usually hear. Some bands I’ve started listenng to are Frou Frou, Loquat, Joshua Raiden, and many others. Unfortunately, Joshua Raiden has many songs about relationships and broken relationships. Maybe that’s fueling my whole issue up top. I don’t know, but I do know that I found this music to be a great life soundtrack and very inspiring as I write. It relaxes the brain and allows me to think more smoothly. Thoughts flow easier when not trying to not function with strong beats and loud words. I guess that’s why they play it in coffee shops, huh. Either way, It’s been a smooth listening few weeks now.

Finally, I got a call from my manager today. After 2 whole months, the yogurt shop is ready to open. After losing my job at Fry’s Food and Drug stores on June 1st earlier this year, I was hired as a shift leader at a new yogurt shop that a friend of the family had opened. One was already open on the other side of town and the one over by me was supposed to open half way through August but they never did get what they needed in time. Now that they finally have everything they need, we are going to try and open this Saturday. I’m happy to finally be getting paid again. It has been way too long.

9/11

Ten years ago today
We watched in dismay
As rubble and debris fell from the sky
From where I was
I couldn't discuss
What I felt because I didn't know why

As I sat in my fith grade class
It felt like time did not pass
As the teacher tried to explain what had happened
He hid the grief and loss
As he tried to get across
The weight of our grave situation

It is now ten years later
And I still remember
The morning I watched the destruction
If it were today
You bet I would say
"I'm going to go fight for freedom"

I pray we never forget
And that they always regret
Everyone they sent to Heaven
And those many years that held
The day that terrorist fell
All because of 9/11

My out look of life today.

Lately, I've found my niche in life. Sure I have written in the past but nothing substantial as my book (The Man With 1000 Friends). I have written my own comics before as a little kid. they started off as picture books. Simple drawings of poorly depicted people and creatures that fought each other and, of course, the good guys always won. I still remember my first picture book I made. It was my understanding of the gospel. God made everyone, they sinned, so Jesus had to come down and fight Satan (which looked like a dragon-lizard thing with a scorpion tale). When they fought, it was in a dust cloud that said "WHAM!" on it. first time Jesus was laying there on the ground with one eye open looking at Satan as he celebrated. Then the next page was another "WHAM!" dust cloud and Jesus came out the winner. It ended with him back in heaven getting a crown from Father God. It was very comical as I grew up and looked back on my kindergarten work of art. Throughout the years i drew another 3 comics. this time they were about me and my best friend at the time, Brett. We had superpowers after a horrific accident in a lab (and it was really gruesome for a 3rd grader to draw, now that I look at it). Arms and legs were separated and the only thing I didn't draw was blood, but it was really bad. One of us got decapitated and everything. Anyways in the end, the docs put us back together and we ended up being able to change into anything we wanted. We could fly, lift really heavy things, and run really fast. Often the villains in those comic books were based off of whoever was picking on us the worse at that time. They all ended up in jail and never got out. My last comic I wrote actually was a comic. It was about a kid who made a rubber suit and made it bullet proof. He could jump great distances like a bouncy ball. his opponent was a variation of the green goblin from spider man. It ended with him getting electrocuted because our hero couldn't be. Quite ironic.

I have come up with a number of superhero through my life. In high school, I came up with Lightning. A young man haunted by the son of a criminal whom his father had killed. It was a new type of superhero story because Jack (the villain) had nothing against Michael (the hero). He just wanted to kill him to make Michael's father suffer like he did after his father's death. As the name suggests, Michael's powers evolve around electro-magnetic energy (lightning, static, magnets, that kind of stuff) as where Jack's cane can absorb energy based powers and he can use them from the cane. We had filmed most of it, but before we could get the final shot, we had to leave the park and take every one home because my parents had a dinner reservation for valentines day (2008... thnx guys) and that next week, the girl playing the girlfriend moved to Cali. So, senior year, we decided to rewrite the movie and make the whole thing in one year, better, less cheesy, everything... we never even finished the script. BUT that didn't stop us! Joe and I kept coming up with new ideas, adding movies to the series, making it into an 8 part series. FOR THE RECORD: We do plan on making them but I will be doing it professionally because it is too big and too graphically sophisticated for hand held cameras and cheesy effects.

Now my "after high school" work has consisted of the final touches of the Lightning Saga and my new book The Man With 1000 Friends. I do plan on getting it published but not yet. I am in the middle of rewriting it and adding chapters. I think I will keep rewriting until I am confident and comfortable with how it is written and all the details in the story. It is about a Senior in high school (Nick Rotial) who meets a girl in his class who has a psychotic ex boyfriend who makes his life a living hell. Will Nick be able to stop Robert (the ex) from ruining their lives and keep the girl in the end? Just keep coming back and reading. It's not close to being done.

Some times I wonder if anyone reads my posts. I would love to have a big following but I don't know who is reading, what random people think of my story. My friends all like it and some want to kill me because I'm not answering questions without asking more, but there are no critics and no one who doesn't like me, reading this that has commented on any of my posts. I wish I had more of a following but I'm willing to wait. As far as I am concerned, even if no one is reading it, that blog poses as a back up to my original copy on my computer. If for some reason My computer crashed, I could always get my book back from the blog. nothing lost except for what i had not posted and usually things come out better the second time you try and write than the first time around. I can't wait to be published and see my book in stores. I would just love to see the peoples reaction to it through the years. Maybe someday, a young and up coming film maker will want to make it into a film. I'll be over seeing the script writing for sure but i would love to see it as a film as well. Will that film maker be me? I don't know. For now I'm happy to just let it be a book. Only the future will tell if it becomes as big as I hope it will.

Poem of the year

For today, I end with this
A chapter in life I may dismiss
The past months have been toil and trouble
My debts have done nothing but double
I start anew each week with a promis
That my past will not demolish
Who I am and what I can be
For the future holds more than I can see

A book returned
An ex forgotten
Our history burned
A love begotten
Of fleshly emotion
Forsaked and broken
Lasts no longer
In my devotion

Don't get me wrong
Your daughter's in my prayers
Though you're gone
I care below many layers
Her safety is key
I pray to God, Almighty
Psalms 41:2
I say to you

The Lord will protect her and keep her alive.
And she shall be called blessed upon the earth.
And keep her from the desires of her enemies.
Amen.

Why I am doing this?

I guess I should start by explaining why I would put my memoirs on an open blog. I'm a simple man (in style and pleasures alone) with big plans for the future. I decided to start recording the event's of my life so there would be a written history of my past for future generations to read about. Call me conceited. Call me egocentric. I don't care. I know I'm meant for great things and I might as well prepare for it.
My life started in humble beginnings. My parent's weren't rich or well known, just getting by, living paycheck to paycheck, in a small apartment in Phoenix, Arizona. I was 6 weeks when we moved there from Tulsa, Oklahoma, where I was born, and up until today. This is where we have been living and where I have grown up. I have come a long way from living in a small apartment in a (now) rundown part of town to a pretty nice house on the edge of Phoenix and Scottsdale. I had grown up in private school where my mom worked as a preschool teacher (as she still does today) because it was higher education an since she was an employee, my sister and I got to go for free. All throughout school, I was made fun of for being fat, dumb, dorky, you name it. If you didn't have a torturous childhood that may be because you were torturing some poor nice kid. As I have had extensive experience with this, I can honestly say, there is no enemy more malicious than a kid with poor self image bent on knocking down others. Some say bully, I say terrorist. There were days I came home crying as hard as I could because a group of kids would not leave me alone. Now, I'm a big guy. Always have been. I was the tallest in my class all through school (minus high school and 4th grade) and now, at 6'4", I could probably take on any one that crosses me. My only leash that kept me from sending kids to the hospital was my wonderfully kind, caring, and fun loving personality. Now I see it as a blessing but back then I saw it as a curse. All I wanted to do was unleash hell on them all, but, alas, I couldn't bring myself to do it.
It took me 4 years from the time I had left that school in 6th grade, when the school went under financially, to figure out who I was, and to see that I had worth. Even though I had a caring disposition, I still felt it was better to be feared than loved, because that seemed easier to do. My awkward years were these 4 years from 7th grade through sophomore year in high school (Go Trojans!). (One day I will summarize my high school years but for now this has been my life in a nut shell.)
During high school, I was going to an awesome youth group, meeting great friends, and dealing with life drama. Which was nice for a change! My group of friends had expanded from my long time best friend, Brett, since 1st grade and a handful of girls who were nice to me, to 20 to 30 new, different, and in some cases, weird people that liked me because of who I was. My "avoid" group (the people who lived to make my life a living hell) shrunk from an entire class ahead of me and all of the boys in my class, to one (ok maybe like 3 or 4, but only one that I was at odds with), and that one kid is a WHOLE other story (pretty much my high school summary). It was great. Honestly, my years in high school really formed who I am today (as I type this).
I was never really a good student. I learned everything I needed to in class and would pass tests easily. Homework always seemed like a waist of time. The only academic class I passed with a B or higher was my Geometry class, second semester sophomore year. Our teacher was great (minus his overly ridiculous monotone voice). He was funny, to a point, and he never graded homework because he figured if you did it, you would pass the tests. A lot of kids failed that class because they relied to heavily on the homework but I passed the tests like they were nothing. Because my grades were so low, the class schedulers (whoever picks classes for the kids) kept putting me in dumb classes. I got bored, didn't do anything, resulting in low grades... again. "So, what was it?" They probably asked themselves. "Was it that he just got bored or was he needing to be in a lower class than that?"Any papers I turned in showed skills that were above most of the rest of the class, rating my writing skill at a college level. Even my reading was over and above (well the little reading I did at least). My spelling and math were the only skills that were lacking but I would still ace tests so, that begged the question, "why isn't he trying?" To this day I am still not sure if I can correctly answer that question. My parents were at a loss. they tried everything they could think of to motivate me but I would rather think of a new story to write, or draw, or fantasize about girls in my classes than do my homework. My level of caring just wasn't high enough and there was little, if anything short of risk of dropping out, that could change that. it wasn't until my Senior English teacher told me thow bad I was doing in her class, that last semester, that I really felt the hole I had dug my self into. After the last two weeks of after school catch up with past assignments and my teachers having great mercy on me and my grades, I finally passed all of my classes (thank God a D is passing) and the Pride and sense of acoplishment I felt as I walked with my class was so amazing, words fail to describe them.
Now that I am in college I hope that this lack of interest has left me and I plan on pursuing my classes with the utmost priority. From once where i was taking classes because I needed to, to now taking classes because I want to, my expectations are higher and my outlook on education has brightened. Even as I type this, I am proud of my writing skills and I enjoy reading what I have written. I look forward to my career as a screenwriter and hope that the future holds new and exciting things for me. I am exhilarated by the fact that this day, I am taking the first steps into my destiny and I embrace every moment of it.